What’s so good about it?

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Today was just a plain old day.

It was just like another day. Nothing new. Nothing sparkly.
I woke up wishing I hadn’t. My daughter is having heart problems and the man I married didn’t even care. She has been having chest pains. But her heart doctor and her primary doctor said everyone is sick, so they rescheduled her for a office visit for….NEXT month. How lovely. She called and was having a hard time today. My only child will probably die because of our lousy healthcare.
If I would have known all this bad stuff was going to happen to my daughter, I wouldn’t have had a child. It isn’t the only thing she has gone through. Thyroid cancer, diabetes type 1, had her appendix taken out, high blood pressure. And no, she wasn’t overweight. At 118 pounds until then, no.
I have had so much crap thrown at me in my life. I feel so bad for her.
My mother beat me all my life till I was the age I could leave. And I did. Then I married a alcoholic. My dad never told me there were guys who did not work like he did. YAY..Seven years of that.
Have you ever cried over losing a dime? Well I did then. That’s pretty bad.
Have you lost a unborn baby on your birthday? Well, I did. No one ever helped. No even Salvation Army. I hate hearing bell dinger’s at the stores at this time of year. I don’t blame them, but the memories…I hate.
After seven years of being married to a alcoholic, I told him to go back home to his momma. he took the car and left me with a two month old baby. My mother did not care about her granddaughter even. I had to beg to come back home. My mother has bought her ONE outfit in 30 years.
What is really sad to see is your child begging their grandmother to say hi, or come play with me. My mother didn’t. But she did my other sister’s kids.
I do not know why she always hated me. I asked my dad and he never told me. Even to the day he died about three years ago. My own two sister’s never talk or call. Still. Yet, I never did nothing. Maybe it was because I never asked for help like they did.
Then when I filed for divorce,I paid for that too. I remained single, never even dated for seven while years. Shell shock I guess was what that was.
I should have stayed that way. Some women I knew said I needed to date again. Well, I thought about it. It didn’t seem too bad a idea…and I had raised my daughter for all those years all by myself. No help. Not even my parents, who lived across town or my sisters too. I didn’t expect any help.
So, I met a man who I thought was a okay guy. We had similar interests.
Another mistake in my life. He turned out to be a control freak and gasliter. And I am paying for that too. January will be a whole 27 years. I do not know how it did that.
I don’t even have a bank account. No car, no money. I can’t even afford new underwear. Seriously. We are ALWAYS broke within the first week.
Today..we are broke… no money. Nothing. I am lucky I guess that I had sausage and eggs. Although I just had soup.
No family… no friends…and I am sooo tired of it all. What is the point even ???
Yet I can’t break free. It is complicated. And no one listens. So, I will most likely die here one day. Wondering how people live normally. Because…I don’t.
This time of year makes me even sadder. All the pretty things…how do you get them? All the happiness…how do you have that?
I have come to realize most people really don’t care. But sometimes, you hear on the news about how people have helped others. I wish I had help. But…no one knows or listens.
Even my dog is sad today. Probably because there have not been more than a few words spoken today between us. My husband.

Yes, It’s a lovely time of year.

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When does life begin?

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Today is a rainy day and a time to reflect on life in general.

They say life begins at fifty. Okay, I have been ripped off! I want my money back! Oh, wait..I forgot I don’t have any. HE does.

There comes a time when you look back and wonder, WHERE did it go? WHICH WAY should I have gone? WHAT would I have done differently? WOULD IT have been the right thing or the wrong thing?
My father or mother never gave me any support in things I wanted to do. Never. And frankly, they did not care.
I wanted to live off the land, see nature up close. Experience the raw wild wilderness. I had it all planned out already in my head. My father laughed at me and called me a silly girl, I would die. No, I had that figured out already. I don’t do things ” half-assed ” as he would say.
I figured that I would head out for someplace up north. Maybe Montana or Wyoming. Buy the land with money that I could put back with my job. I could build my own cabin myself. I was the kind who could do things like this. It would have to be ready by the time winter fell. I would not want to be stuck out in the big snowstorms they had up there. And I could build a smokehouse to store some meat for the winter. Yes, I knew there would be bears and other wild creatures that would also want it. I had that covered too.
For any money, I had ideas on that also. One was growing herbs, making herbal medicines or tinctures for people. Wild crafting as they call it also. Growing fresh food and even mushrooms for people and restaurants. ( I could STILL do that now even ) Back then you could also trap. I know things are different now, but back then you could make good money off it. But could I really do that ?

Looking back now, I think I would not do the trapping. I love animals too much to do that. They are only trying to survive like I would have been too.

Now I have wished that I HAD bought land there because it is too high in price now. But, I figured my dad knew best. Well, parents do not ALWAYS know best. I kick myself a lot over that one.
Another idea I had was my art. I was always good at that. In school I always had my art in the showcase they had there for people to look at. I had a couple of great teachers that I will always be thankful for having them. They were terrific.
I don’t draw things by drawing out the circles or angles like some do. I just eyeball it or think of it. It is easier for me that way. I love most forms of art. Sculpture, painting, ceramics, woodworking, most all of it. Even designing fabric. I loved silk screening and batik. Gourd art. I have tons of gourds just waiting on me to paint or wood burn them still.
Woodworking was always interesting. I can also carve wood, chainsaw carve too. ;0 and marquetry. It relaxes me. I use already downed trees. I don’t like cutting down trees. The world has done enough of that already. Trees are habitats for animals and many living things.
I also like to make pictures of people that are in the most unpredictable places! I do this with my computer. I do art on there too. One person I did some for was a guy who had a motorcycle. He was proud of it. So, I took a picture of him on his bike and put him way up in the mountains of Machu Pichu, right up to the very edge of the point. And a person would have wondered how the heck did he get there? He must have been good on that bike! Then I did one of him with his bike on the beach in Florida. Umm..that isn’t allowed there, but I ” put” him there. I even added sand to his tires. Ha… it was fun.

I also take people out of pictures. Like beach pictures that a person really likes. If they want it without people, I do that. And a person can never tell. Most pictures you can tell, by the pixels, if you zoom in on them. Not mine. Some take awhile, but I enjoy it.
But where I live, you cannot even give it any kind of art away. Not that I would do that. There is no money to be had here. Too poor a state for them to pay anything. It is like a whole other country here. I hate that. I am in the wrong place I see.
So, my work will have to be sold online. Some I can do through the internet. I do pictures of pets too. And I can put them in special places too! Imagine that.. the well traveled pet of yours. Maybe I ought to do some of my dogs in places I like…I will show you what I mean if you like. If you are interested, don’t feel shy to ask okay?
So, I have a dilemma. What to do? How can I? Plus, I still hear those words of my father echoing through my head, ” you will be a starving artist.” I don’t want to starve…What if my dad was right???Β  Doubts…my confidence…failure… I am always afraid of failure. I don’t like to fail. The thought almost paralyzes me.
Well, for some of my art, I was invited to France for my marquetry. So..I must have been good enough. And I did appear in a newspaper in Fort Worth Texas for making life sized felted dolls.( actually it was a picture of my hand painting their faces. I was the artist who did it all, but I worked for a woman who took the credit ) Before that, we used to make cloth mannequins.
Most of the customers were grandmothers wanting one that looked like their grandchild. They would send pictures of them to me and I would airbrush their faces on them. They always went crazy about them, the work I had done. So, again I MUST have been doing something right. Right?
I still love all forms of art. Motivation is a killer now. I need a private space to concentrate. or my ideas go pffffttt…like a balloon with the air being let out!

No distractions please..
What to do, what to do…
Most times I think people just do not care. If they only knew my life…One person on here knows pretty much. She has been a great friend to me even if we are across the ocean from each other. Right Sam? πŸ™‚

Time for a change!

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He loves his rides!

The year is coming to an end and I truly hope next year will be a much brighter one.

This is my dog named Zak. He has had such a hard life. No dog should have a life like he has had. Let me tell you my story of how he came to me in the beginning.

I live in an area where dogs ( or many other animals for that matter ) mean ANYTHING to the people around here.

He was at a storage where we keep some things. He was dumped by some local who did not care about him. He had been beaten, starved and crated. They don’t care around here

He was found eating burned plastic. That was it. He was not the scavenging type. No survival skills at all.

The owner of the storage wanted him gone because of his customers. Couldn’t he have at least fed him something? I could count the bones on his backbone and ribs. It was so sad, I cried. I am an animal lover and I cannot bear the bad things done to animals. PERIOD.

But….that day was his lucky day then. My other half brought him home.

He had told me about him and asked if we should do something. Do something???? Well hell YES we should! Don’t ask, do it!

As he rounded the corner of the house where i was sitting, he looked up at me. We locked eyes and I knew then we were best friends forever.

My daughter has just told me the day before, she could sense something. Lost, alone and scared. And it was black. WOW…she hit the nail on the head. Because…it was HIM!!! She is good at that. I think she calls them familiars?

I could not believe any person could actually be this mean and uncaring. To do this to another living animal. WHY? How inhumane.

You would have to understand the area where I live. The people.

Most people think I am just making it up when I tell them how it is here. No, I am honestly telling the truth. How shocking to think this is part of America. It seems foreign, another country almost. Many things are different here. And that is some of the main reasons I want out of this place.

I want a better life for my dog and me. And it isn’t here. Not this state. Not this place.

People who love their pets would understand this. We always want what is best for our pets. Everything. Their food, their treats, and their environment.

Pets and animals need us and trust in us to take care of them. Right? And..we ARE humans too right?

So, this is my goal for now and in the coming year. I hope with all my heart I will be able to do this. I intend to get a site of my own and somehow make some money. Enough to live on. One I have in mind is a site called Patreon. there you will find a little bit of everything that people, artists do. And you donate a little each month to see a person create something. even a dollar a month if you like. or even more. A dollar will help anyone, especially if many people were to donate a dollar. When I get my spot on there, I will tell you my name on there. And it WILL go to a good cause.

I have a formula I have come up with after some tweaks here and there that is VERY good for a dog that has a condition where they are allergic to fleas and it causes them horrible itchiness and bumps and some hair loss. A person usually goes to the Vet for steroids and antibiotics. And too much of that is not good for them. No more vet now. It works and is natural and so much cheaper even! So, since I love herbs and essential oils, I have made this up for my other dog. She is a daddy’s girl mostly. Till he raises his voice. Then she hops in my lap. They all do, because I am their protector. But they all love me. A animal can tell who loves them and cares.

I hope to be able to do something with this formula. Investors anyone?

And I hope to seriously get back into writing too.

Living shades. ..beautiful.

Here are some interesting pictures of the present and future of plants and gardens.

​ We need plants in our lives. It helps with oxygen and also we enjoy the greenery.

​wow…awesome! I can smell them now.

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I believe the above ones are wisteria’s. Gorgeous!

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What a cool tunnel to walk through.

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A very nice shade with privacy too.

I have english ivy that is nice. He doesn’t like it, but it is really pretty. And a old heirloom. This  would make a really cool dense shade.

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If we keep letting the earth be polluted, this will be the way of the future. But I prefer a quieter type personal space.

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Even this offers some sort of naturalness. I think it would be nice to have some flowering plants throughout though.

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I thought this concept was interesting. But I worry about sunami’s in the lower areas. And you need a desalination plant also. I noticed there wasn’t much In the way of flowering vegetation here also.

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Here is another ” future ” concept. Not very many trees or flowering plants. Although easy to maintain.

I would prefer fresh water rather than saltwater.  I have lived around saltwater.  It tends to breakdown things eventually.

I wonder how these futuristic places would endure during rough storms. I mean really rough ones!

Personally, I would rather take care of what we have NOW and not have to worry about these other blandish future places. 

There Is nothing like the real thing! And It also gives us a form of exercise and pleasure at the same time. We can choose what plant we want, what colors we want and where to put It. Like an artist, only this would be a living canvass.

Flowers give us more pleasure when looking at them than just greenery. Don’t you think so?

All the pretty flowers.

Beautiful flower pictures that are really gorgeous!

​This is the angel trumpet I was talking about at the bottom.

I found some really different flowers. The white one I would love to have. They call it a Japanese dogwood, cousin to ours. But this one is wild looking. I love it. And it can be bought here when they are in stock.

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I don’t know what the others are, but they are beautiful!

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Wild aren’t they? The last one I think is phlox or creeping thyme? I want to cover some ground that isn’t “fixable”.

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This one is a angels trumpet.  They are gorgeous and come in many different colors. The hummingbirds and butterflies love them. 


That’s my photos for the day.

Garden, pretty ideas and cheap to make too.

Cool garden ideas that hardly cost anything to make.

​I thought this would be cool to do. Maybe so several, side by side for privacy, even though we live out In the country.

I want a “living wall” for outside for a sitting area. Plants also relax me.

The picture above Is mostly succulents or desert type plants. The stringy looking ones look like what they call burro tails. They are easy to grow and you don’t have to really water them that much at all. Looks like it Is a mix of plants. I see a fern and a few others .

Pallets are good too and you can put soil into them and grow plants. Many places will let you just come and pick up pallets for free. I have also saw a house built from them too. It actually looks great. And..hey, if it is free….less money you would have to spend. πŸ˜‰  Google pallet houses. They are cool.

I really love gardens and love looking at all the ideas on pinterest. Some are really cool. 

I like water gardens too. I found some ideas on how to make them much cheaper too! I think i will try some.

We have kind of a good eco system here and I want to take care of it. I do not use pesticides. None. There are more natural ways of getting rid of pests.

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And below is one I have saw in some doctors offices. They are really cool. I would love to make one.

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Very relaxing to listen to. This would be cool to have In a oriental type garden. Gorgeous! And It Isnt really as complicated to build as it may look.

As long as you have water movement, you wont get any mosquitoes.  Plus I have some frogs. I read they help eat mosquitoes.  Bats do too, so do dragonflies.  I love dragonflies. I would love to do some dragonfly art in the yard. Maybe some windchimes or set some stained glass in the concrete stones I am going to make. Or other art like some woodcarvings. 

One man had some property that had wimsical wooden art carvings In the least place you would expect It. I wish I could find his site. These were pretty large scale, life sized carvings and he was good! 

I might do a few chainsaw art pieces. I learned how to do that too. But I only use the already downed trees. I dont like cutting trees out because for one, we need them for many things. Shade, animal habitats, birds nesting and cooling off and also for winter too.

Many farmers just clearcut most ALL the trees out. That bothers me too. So much dirt and hardly any trees!! Cows and horses need shade. So do deer. I try to take In consideration the animals. They are losing too much of their habitats.

I will have a LOT of work on my hands getting these things done, but at least it can be my spot of relaxation. Mine.

Next time I will show you some really cool flowers I have found. They are awesome too. πŸ™‚