What’s so good about it?

rainofpain

Today was just a plain old day.

It was just like another day. Nothing new. Nothing sparkly.
I woke up wishing I hadn’t. My daughter is having heart problems and the man I married didn’t even care. She has been having chest pains. But her heart doctor and her primary doctor said everyone is sick, so they rescheduled her for a office visit for….NEXT month. How lovely. She called and was having a hard time today. My only child will probably die because of our lousy healthcare.
If I would have known all this bad stuff was going to happen to my daughter, I wouldn’t have had a child. It isn’t the only thing she has gone through. Thyroid cancer, diabetes type 1, had her appendix taken out, high blood pressure. And no, she wasn’t overweight. At 118 pounds until then, no.
I have had so much crap thrown at me in my life. I feel so bad for her.
My mother beat me all my life till I was the age I could leave. And I did. Then I married a alcoholic. My dad never told me there were guys who did not work like he did. YAY..Seven years of that.
Have you ever cried over losing a dime? Well I did then. That’s pretty bad.
Have you lost a unborn baby on your birthday? Well, I did. No one ever helped. No even Salvation Army. I hate hearing bell dinger’s at the stores at this time of year. I don’t blame them, but the memories…I hate.
After seven years of being married to a alcoholic, I told him to go back home to his momma. he took the car and left me with a two month old baby. My mother did not care about her granddaughter even. I had to beg to come back home. My mother has bought her ONE outfit in 30 years.
What is really sad to see is your child begging their grandmother to say hi, or come play with me. My mother didn’t. But she did my other sister’s kids.
I do not know why she always hated me. I asked my dad and he never told me. Even to the day he died about three years ago. My own two sister’s never talk or call. Still. Yet, I never did nothing. Maybe it was because I never asked for help like they did.
Then when I filed for divorce,I paid for that too. I remained single, never even dated for seven while years. Shell shock I guess was what that was.
I should have stayed that way. Some women I knew said I needed to date again. Well, I thought about it. It didn’t seem too bad a idea…and I had raised my daughter for all those years all by myself. No help. Not even my parents, who lived across town or my sisters too. I didn’t expect any help.
So, I met a man who I thought was a okay guy. We had similar interests.
Another mistake in my life. He turned out to be a control freak and gasliter. And I am paying for that too. January will be a whole 27 years. I do not know how it did that.
I don’t even have a bank account. No car, no money. I can’t even afford new underwear. Seriously. We are ALWAYS broke within the first week.
Today..we are broke… no money. Nothing. I am lucky I guess that I had sausage and eggs. Although I just had soup.
No family… no friends…and I am sooo tired of it all. What is the point even ???
Yet I can’t break free. It is complicated. And no one listens. So, I will most likely die here one day. Wondering how people live normally. Because…I don’t.
This time of year makes me even sadder. All the pretty things…how do you get them? All the happiness…how do you have that?
I have come to realize most people really don’t care. But sometimes, you hear on the news about how people have helped others. I wish I had help. But…no one knows or listens.
Even my dog is sad today. Probably because there have not been more than a few words spoken today between us. My husband.

Yes, It’s a lovely time of year.

Cleo my little teacher, I miss you still.

                      You are still in my heart. You always will be.

This is the story of Cleo, my Manx cat.

 

We lived in Texas several years ago. We had moved back from Florida right before a hurricane came and took out our house. That was good timing on our part I guess.

We had bought some land in a hole in the wall place close to Paradise Texas, only it wasn’t exactly a Paradise. That is a story in itself!

I used to go to town to get groceries. We lived several miles out.

One day a tiny cute cat had caught my eye as I drove by. She was playing in the front yard with her sibling. Trying to catch butterflies in the air. So cute!

Cleo was a cute little Manx cat that was calico colored. The kind of cat that had no tail. That was their type of breed. Her sibling was a Tabby cat.

About two weeks later I noticed the people had took everything they owned, including their two Great Dane dogs and left. They took everything…except the two little kittens. They were left to fend for themselves. They looked to be about five weeks old. Not very old at all. And way to young to be on their own!

All I saw there was a crumpled up can of old dog food. How sad for the kitties…how could  ANYONE do that to ANY animal ? I cannot understand how a person can sleep after doing that to any living thing. I know I certainly could not.

But, there they were…playing like they did not know they had been dumped and left on their own to survive way out in the country.

But they did miss someone. Those people had a little daughter. Why didn’t they let her take them? Oh well, their loss and MY GAIN!!

We pulled up into the driveway and both kittens came crying to us. It was like they were saying, ” where have you been?! ” We opened up the car door and they both jumped in. The poor little darlings. I was so sad for them. But they were lucky we had found them before a coyote or some other wild animal did.

We took them home and fed them.They were so hungry. My guess is they had eaten bugs. Maybe some grasshoppers.

We also took them to the vets to get them a check up. The vet made me mad when he suggested that I have Cleo put down. WHY?  Because she was a Manx….he mumbled something about her breed. There was NOTHING wrong with her at all. That was the last time I saw that vet. How ignorant and uncaring of him.

Cleo was a survivor and a teacher. All through her life she had tried to teach other cats how to hunt and fend for themselves. It was sad sometimes to see. But she never gave up no matter what. She had such patience.

My daughter-in-law had two other cats. They lived with us there. The other cats were a black female cat and a blondish male cat. For quite awhile, the black female cat was so ugly to Cleo. I watched to make sure she didn’t hurt her. The male cat ignored Cleo too. It was like the other female told him to. Seriously. You could watch and see it. The black cat would growl and hiss at Cleo as if to tell her she wasn’t wanted there.

Finally the male cat figured things out I believe. He had enough of the grumpy black cat and hissed at her, telling it to leave Cleo alone and quit being so gripey towards her. So, the black cat started leaving her alone. Cleo finally had a friend, sort of.

A year or two after , we moved away to another state. But before we did, we had picked up two more dumped off cats. They had a sad story too. But, it all turned out for the better. I will tell their stories too. But, they had a forever home with us. And a nice home where it was peaceful. Finally.

Cleo was short for the name Cleopatra. She has eyeliner around her eyes that made me think of her, so the name stuck.

Cleo ALWAYS marched to the beat of her own drum….and I was always so proud of her. She was my sweet baby doll as I called her affectionately. I will always miss her.

Time for a change!

zak-loves-his-rides
He loves his rides!

The year is coming to an end and I truly hope next year will be a much brighter one.

This is my dog named Zak. He has had such a hard life. No dog should have a life like he has had. Let me tell you my story of how he came to me in the beginning.

I live in an area where dogs ( or many other animals for that matter ) mean ANYTHING to the people around here.

He was at a storage where we keep some things. He was dumped by some local who did not care about him. He had been beaten, starved and crated. They don’t care around here

He was found eating burned plastic. That was it. He was not the scavenging type. No survival skills at all.

The owner of the storage wanted him gone because of his customers. Couldn’t he have at least fed him something? I could count the bones on his backbone and ribs. It was so sad, I cried. I am an animal lover and I cannot bear the bad things done to animals. PERIOD.

But….that day was his lucky day then. My other half brought him home.

He had told me about him and asked if we should do something. Do something???? Well hell YES we should! Don’t ask, do it!

As he rounded the corner of the house where i was sitting, he looked up at me. We locked eyes and I knew then we were best friends forever.

My daughter has just told me the day before, she could sense something. Lost, alone and scared. And it was black. WOW…she hit the nail on the head. Because…it was HIM!!! She is good at that. I think she calls them familiars?

I could not believe any person could actually be this mean and uncaring. To do this to another living animal. WHY? How inhumane.

You would have to understand the area where I live. The people.

Most people think I am just making it up when I tell them how it is here. No, I am honestly telling the truth. How shocking to think this is part of America. It seems foreign, another country almost. Many things are different here. And that is some of the main reasons I want out of this place.

I want a better life for my dog and me. And it isn’t here. Not this state. Not this place.

People who love their pets would understand this. We always want what is best for our pets. Everything. Their food, their treats, and their environment.

Pets and animals need us and trust in us to take care of them. Right? And..we ARE humans too right?

So, this is my goal for now and in the coming year. I hope with all my heart I will be able to do this. I intend to get a site of my own and somehow make some money. Enough to live on. One I have in mind is a site called Patreon. there you will find a little bit of everything that people, artists do. And you donate a little each month to see a person create something. even a dollar a month if you like. or even more. A dollar will help anyone, especially if many people were to donate a dollar. When I get my spot on there, I will tell you my name on there. And it WILL go to a good cause.

I have a formula I have come up with after some tweaks here and there that is VERY good for a dog that has a condition where they are allergic to fleas and it causes them horrible itchiness and bumps and some hair loss. A person usually goes to the Vet for steroids and antibiotics. And too much of that is not good for them. No more vet now. It works and is natural and so much cheaper even! So, since I love herbs and essential oils, I have made this up for my other dog. She is a daddy’s girl mostly. Till he raises his voice. Then she hops in my lap. They all do, because I am their protector. But they all love me. A animal can tell who loves them and cares.

I hope to be able to do something with this formula. Investors anyone?

And I hope to seriously get back into writing too.

Living shades. ..beautiful.

Here are some interesting pictures of the present and future of plants and gardens.

​ We need plants in our lives. It helps with oxygen and also we enjoy the greenery.

​wow…awesome! I can smell them now.


I believe the above ones are wisteria’s. Gorgeous!


What a cool tunnel to walk through.


A very nice shade with privacy too.

I have english ivy that is nice. He doesn’t like it, but it is really pretty. And a old heirloom. This  would make a really cool dense shade.


If we keep letting the earth be polluted, this will be the way of the future. But I prefer a quieter type personal space.


Even this offers some sort of naturalness. I think it would be nice to have some flowering plants throughout though.


I thought this concept was interesting. But I worry about sunami’s in the lower areas. And you need a desalination plant also. I noticed there wasn’t much In the way of flowering vegetation here also.


Here is another ” future ” concept. Not very many trees or flowering plants. Although easy to maintain.

I would prefer fresh water rather than saltwater.  I have lived around saltwater.  It tends to breakdown things eventually.

I wonder how these futuristic places would endure during rough storms. I mean really rough ones!

Personally, I would rather take care of what we have NOW and not have to worry about these other blandish future places. 

There Is nothing like the real thing! And It also gives us a form of exercise and pleasure at the same time. We can choose what plant we want, what colors we want and where to put It. Like an artist, only this would be a living canvass.

Flowers give us more pleasure when looking at them than just greenery. Don’t you think so?

All the pretty flowers.

Beautiful flower pictures that are really gorgeous!

​This is the angel trumpet I was talking about at the bottom.

I found some really different flowers. The white one I would love to have. They call it a Japanese dogwood, cousin to ours. But this one is wild looking. I love it. And it can be bought here when they are in stock.


I don’t know what the others are, but they are beautiful!







Wild aren’t they? The last one I think is phlox or creeping thyme? I want to cover some ground that isn’t “fixable”.


This one is a angels trumpet.  They are gorgeous and come in many different colors. The hummingbirds and butterflies love them. 


That’s my photos for the day.

Garden, pretty ideas and cheap to make too.

Cool garden ideas that hardly cost anything to make.

​I thought this would be cool to do. Maybe so several, side by side for privacy, even though we live out In the country.

I want a “living wall” for outside for a sitting area. Plants also relax me.

The picture above Is mostly succulents or desert type plants. The stringy looking ones look like what they call burro tails. They are easy to grow and you don’t have to really water them that much at all. Looks like it Is a mix of plants. I see a fern and a few others .

Pallets are good too and you can put soil into them and grow plants. Many places will let you just come and pick up pallets for free. I have also saw a house built from them too. It actually looks great. And..hey, if it is free….less money you would have to spend. 😉  Google pallet houses. They are cool.

I really love gardens and love looking at all the ideas on pinterest. Some are really cool. 

I like water gardens too. I found some ideas on how to make them much cheaper too! I think i will try some.

We have kind of a good eco system here and I want to take care of it. I do not use pesticides. None. There are more natural ways of getting rid of pests.




And below is one I have saw in some doctors offices. They are really cool. I would love to make one.


Very relaxing to listen to. This would be cool to have In a oriental type garden. Gorgeous! And It Isnt really as complicated to build as it may look.

As long as you have water movement, you wont get any mosquitoes.  Plus I have some frogs. I read they help eat mosquitoes.  Bats do too, so do dragonflies.  I love dragonflies. I would love to do some dragonfly art in the yard. Maybe some windchimes or set some stained glass in the concrete stones I am going to make. Or other art like some woodcarvings. 

One man had some property that had wimsical wooden art carvings In the least place you would expect It. I wish I could find his site. These were pretty large scale, life sized carvings and he was good! 

I might do a few chainsaw art pieces. I learned how to do that too. But I only use the already downed trees. I dont like cutting trees out because for one, we need them for many things. Shade, animal habitats, birds nesting and cooling off and also for winter too.

Many farmers just clearcut most ALL the trees out. That bothers me too. So much dirt and hardly any trees!! Cows and horses need shade. So do deer. I try to take In consideration the animals. They are losing too much of their habitats.

I will have a LOT of work on my hands getting these things done, but at least it can be my spot of relaxation. Mine.

Next time I will show you some really cool flowers I have found. They are awesome too. 🙂