What’s so good about it?

rainofpain

Today was just a plain old day.

It was just like another day. Nothing new. Nothing sparkly.
I woke up wishing I hadn’t. My daughter is having heart problems and the man I married didn’t even care. She has been having chest pains. But her heart doctor and her primary doctor said everyone is sick, so they rescheduled her for a office visit for….NEXT month. How lovely. She called and was having a hard time today. My only child will probably die because of our lousy healthcare.
If I would have known all this bad stuff was going to happen to my daughter, I wouldn’t have had a child. It isn’t the only thing she has gone through. Thyroid cancer, diabetes type 1, had her appendix taken out, high blood pressure. And no, she wasn’t overweight. At 118 pounds until then, no.
I have had so much crap thrown at me in my life. I feel so bad for her.
My mother beat me all my life till I was the age I could leave. And I did. Then I married a alcoholic. My dad never told me there were guys who did not work like he did. YAY..Seven years of that.
Have you ever cried over losing a dime? Well I did then. That’s pretty bad.
Have you lost a unborn baby on your birthday? Well, I did. No one ever helped. No even Salvation Army. I hate hearing bell dinger’s at the stores at this time of year. I don’t blame them, but the memories…I hate.
After seven years of being married to a alcoholic, I told him to go back home to his momma. he took the car and left me with a two month old baby. My mother did not care about her granddaughter even. I had to beg to come back home. My mother has bought her ONE outfit in 30 years.
What is really sad to see is your child begging their grandmother to say hi, or come play with me. My mother didn’t. But she did my other sister’s kids.
I do not know why she always hated me. I asked my dad and he never told me. Even to the day he died about three years ago. My own two sister’s never talk or call. Still. Yet, I never did nothing. Maybe it was because I never asked for help like they did.
Then when I filed for divorce,I paid for that too. I remained single, never even dated for seven while years. Shell shock I guess was what that was.
I should have stayed that way. Some women I knew said I needed to date again. Well, I thought about it. It didn’t seem too bad a idea…and I had raised my daughter for all those years all by myself. No help. Not even my parents, who lived across town or my sisters too. I didn’t expect any help.
So, I met a man who I thought was a okay guy. We had similar interests.
Another mistake in my life. He turned out to be a control freak and gasliter. And I am paying for that too. January will be a whole 27 years. I do not know how it did that.
I don’t even have a bank account. No car, no money. I can’t even afford new underwear. Seriously. We are ALWAYS broke within the first week.
Today..we are broke… no money. Nothing. I am lucky I guess that I had sausage and eggs. Although I just had soup.
No family… no friends…and I am sooo tired of it all. What is the point even ???
Yet I can’t break free. It is complicated. And no one listens. So, I will most likely die here one day. Wondering how people live normally. Because…I don’t.
This time of year makes me even sadder. All the pretty things…how do you get them? All the happiness…how do you have that?
I have come to realize most people really don’t care. But sometimes, you hear on the news about how people have helped others. I wish I had help. But…no one knows or listens.
Even my dog is sad today. Probably because there have not been more than a few words spoken today between us. My husband.

Yes, It’s a lovely time of year.

Time for a change!

zak-loves-his-rides
He loves his rides!

The year is coming to an end and I truly hope next year will be a much brighter one.

This is my dog named Zak. He has had such a hard life. No dog should have a life like he has had. Let me tell you my story of how he came to me in the beginning.

I live in an area where dogs ( or many other animals for that matter ) mean ANYTHING to the people around here.

He was at a storage where we keep some things. He was dumped by some local who did not care about him. He had been beaten, starved and crated. They don’t care around here

He was found eating burned plastic. That was it. He was not the scavenging type. No survival skills at all.

The owner of the storage wanted him gone because of his customers. Couldn’t he have at least fed him something? I could count the bones on his backbone and ribs. It was so sad, I cried. I am an animal lover and I cannot bear the bad things done to animals. PERIOD.

But….that day was his lucky day then. My other half brought him home.

He had told me about him and asked if we should do something. Do something???? Well hell YES we should! Don’t ask, do it!

As he rounded the corner of the house where i was sitting, he looked up at me. We locked eyes and I knew then we were best friends forever.

My daughter has just told me the day before, she could sense something. Lost, alone and scared. And it was black. WOW…she hit the nail on the head. Because…it was HIM!!! She is good at that. I think she calls them familiars?

I could not believe any person could actually be this mean and uncaring. To do this to another living animal. WHY? How inhumane.

You would have to understand the area where I live. The people.

Most people think I am just making it up when I tell them how it is here. No, I am honestly telling the truth. How shocking to think this is part of America. It seems foreign, another country almost. Many things are different here. And that is some of the main reasons I want out of this place.

I want a better life for my dog and me. And it isn’t here. Not this state. Not this place.

People who love their pets would understand this. We always want what is best for our pets. Everything. Their food, their treats, and their environment.

Pets and animals need us and trust in us to take care of them. Right? And..we ARE humans too right?

So, this is my goal for now and in the coming year. I hope with all my heart I will be able to do this. I intend to get a site of my own and somehow make some money. Enough to live on. One I have in mind is a site called Patreon. there you will find a little bit of everything that people, artists do. And you donate a little each month to see a person create something. even a dollar a month if you like. or even more. A dollar will help anyone, especially if many people were to donate a dollar. When I get my spot on there, I will tell you my name on there. And it WILL go to a good cause.

I have a formula I have come up with after some tweaks here and there that is VERY good for a dog that has a condition where they are allergic to fleas and it causes them horrible itchiness and bumps and some hair loss. A person usually goes to the Vet for steroids and antibiotics. And too much of that is not good for them. No more vet now. It works and is natural and so much cheaper even! So, since I love herbs and essential oils, I have made this up for my other dog. She is a daddy’s girl mostly. Till he raises his voice. Then she hops in my lap. They all do, because I am their protector. But they all love me. A animal can tell who loves them and cares.

I hope to be able to do something with this formula. Investors anyone?

And I hope to seriously get back into writing too.